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With xmas over with I'm really starting to look forward to going megacon in march!!!

I may have impulsively brought some stuff for cosplaying even though i might not be interested in it for march '>->
but tbf it's something I wanted to do for a convention back in 2024 so its stuck around in my brain for that long.

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I just want to ramble about smth I've noticed today, you can skip this if you're sensitive to mental health talk and stuff, trust me I get it.

I didn't realise it until today but I guess i've identified a trigger??? Idk if that's the correct term to use but essentially when certain things are brought up, it makes me freeze up a bit i guess. My day started out fine but I had a friend unknowingly send something that made me uncomfortable and I've only just realised that it's a reoccuring thing that happens. Like I can see what's set me off from other situations now.

I'm gonna ramble about some personal stuff here so if you don't want to see it you don't have to. I guess I just want to put this somewhere since I don't get to talk about it.

I think it's because it was kind of out of my control and I just wasn't expecting it. Quick info dump about me for context but I've had alot of my boundaries pushed and ignored by alot of people in my life, family included. I'm trying to lessen the impact they've had on me by saying that but It's left me as a very skittish and emotionaly strung out person. I don't know how to emphasize the severity of it but I had a lot of problems as a teenager that should have been sorted and still impact me to this day. I'm not all there to put it lightly. I've had to deal with alot of stuff I shouldn't have had to from a young age but I'm coping and I'm doing okay atm. It's relevent i swear.

Essentially, this friend I've had through all of this has very poor mental health, I have had to help them through multiple crisis's growing up. However, since growing up they've found other ways of coping and have genuinely made loads of progress, I'm really proud of them. But also with this, I haven't had to deal with a situation like that for a few years and I'm still struggling to proccess alot of what I've been through, my days aren't particularly sunshine and rainbows but I deal with it how I can. Last night this friend had a very bad night but had the support systems in place to keep them safe and I thought that was it, they don't expect that type of thing from me anymore. However, this morning they were talking about their night and had just dropped a bit of a bomb of information that I don't think they realise how jarring it was to see. They obviously didn't mean anything from it but from that point on my day kind of passed in a daze.

I obviously recognise they had no intention to purposefully make people uncomfortable, I just hadn't expected to have to process something like that again. It's just left me really off-kilter. I think I'm just frustrated about it. They know I don't respond well to stuff like this, I think i felt a bit betrayed??? it was just kind of thrown in there very casually, like they hadn't really thought about it, which i guess they wouldn't have considering everything. I literally just can't process things like that anymore, It's like it flips a switch in my head and I'm in a completely different mood. I guess I maybe expected a bit of consideration before they put that stuff into a group chat. This isn't the first time they've done it either, like I said I've been there through multiple situations and talking about it after. Idk if they wanted to emphasize the severity of the type of night they had but like maybe a warning would have been nice. It wasn't a topic you just bring up so casually.

It's no-ones fault obviously, it's just hurt me a bit. I don't talk about stuff like this at all and while I've mentioned my current situation to this friend, I don't think they are fully aware how much it is still affecting me. It's why I wanted to talk about it here I suppose. It's somewhere online, someone may stumble across it. i don't get to talk about stuff like this at all. If you have read this, I apologise for the rant and I want to clarify that I am doing okay, just working through some stuff :))

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I AM GOING TO SPOIL THIS MOVIE!!! I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE DOWN BELOW, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DO NOT CARRY ON READING!!! I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO PUT A DROPDOWN FOR THIS RANT.

I saw the new movie today and I'm posting this as I have just got back from the cinema. It was peak. I loved pretty much everything about it besides one thing and I suspect that many people will have an issue with the same thing but i digress. All the animatronics looked amazing. CIRCUS BABY WAS IN THERE!!!! HELLO?!?!?! amazing. Vanessa was my favourite part of the movie, i love her. She will always be my fav I fear. I'm glad we saw more of Jeremy aswell. We also got the fnaf 1 vs fnaf 2 animatronic fight as fated in the prophecies and the OGs dominated, obviously.

My main issue is with Michael Afton. I think it's obvious I think alot about this specific character from my AU but I was really dissapointed with the direction the movie is taking him.

I thought I had hid it pretty well but my friend overheard me laugh at his grand reveal scene even though I thought I had kept it quiet ://. I should apologise to everyone in that cinema. Since I've left I haven't been able to stop taking the piss, I keep repeating "It's me MIchael Afton, the evil afton." over and over again. I think there's alot they could do with his character if it's heading in the direction I think it's heading but I just don't like how they're going about it so far. He kinda just did nothing but gloat and use the animatronics to fight for him.

I don't usually try to predict films but I have a few points that I wanna see if they end up being true or not, specifically with Michael. I think he's gonna go fazbear frights, free and help his dad but William is still gonna treat him like a pile of shit and Michael is gonna be like "yo, I'm helping you be evil and stuff what the hell!", see that his dad doesn't give a shit no matter what he does and then either run away or maaaaybe help mike and abby save vanessa or kill william. The end, give me my fifty faz bucks.

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I can access both sites from firefox again!!! I have no clue why it stopped working in the first place but I can use neocities normally again :))

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I recently started playing the Postal games on steam. Its been fun working through them.

My favs so far have been the original postal/redux and brain damaged.

I did really enjoy postal 2 aswell but honestly prefered the paradise lost dlc over the original game. I got an hour into postal 3 before deciding it wasnt worth it. Its a shame cus there were aspects about it that I liked but the actual gameplay and barely being playable let it down. I've never seen weapons that dont shoot where you aim in a game before, its actually baffling.

The one I would recommend playing would be brain damaged, it runs well on the computer, the style is good and its just a really fun game to play.

Going to try and play postal 4 but honestly I just wanna try and 100% redux or the original.

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Constantly saying I'll update stuff and be more active but at this point i think I should just accept im not a very active person online.

I need to know how people get shit they wanna do done cus I'll just sit here and be like "WOW, That sounds like a great idea!" then do fuck all. I wanna write a story or comic for my fnaf au and I have ideas for it but actually sitting down and doing it is a different problem.

ALSO, neocities lil dropdown menu doesnt work in firefox and I dont know how to fix it so if i wanna edit on here I gotta use microsoft edge ToT

Anyways, with the nicer weather coming up, hopefully I'll get more motivation to make stuff, I wanna be more active on here aswell.

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I haven't updated the site in a while, life happened and came to kick me in the ass which hasnt been fun tbh.

I wanna update the site tho, I have ideas for the character pages which really need updating and such, it's just finding the time atm. There's alot of stuff I just wanna tweak in general. I have concepts of a plan lol.

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I was able to catch a faint glimpse of the northern lights yesterday night and I had hoped to see them again tonight but no such luck. Even with the small glimpse I got I could understand why people travel just to see them, they were really beautiful. I think what got me was how big they looked, stretching across the sky, I haven't seen anything like it before. When I'm older I'll have to travel to see them properly.

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I've worked alot on talking to people and to not feel so anxious and I'm alot better when actually talking to people now, I've definetely come a long way but something about talking to people online just makes me revert back to when I was a teen. It's completely daunting. I'm sure it has something to do with not being able to see people's reactions, same reason why I struggle with phone calls but like damn it does not have to be this anxiety inducing. Very silly when you want to make friends in the same online communities as you -_-'.

I'm sure with gradual exposure to this stuff I'll get better and it wont be as terrifying but it's very frustrating still.

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I'm an idiot that impulsively decided to dye my hair and get the wrong dye colour and now my hair is pitch black. I am an idiot and the world's most foolish jester. How naive I was this morning before disaster struck. My life is ruined.

Oh, I also updated this page so now it looks like AO3 cus I thought it was a good idea. Took me like a week to do but I learnt stuff so maybe it was all worth it.

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I added three new characters to my character page and actually wrote some stuff for them unlike the first three. They have bio's and everything :)) I'll eventually add stuff the the first three's pages but I don't have their story fully thought out at all so I can't really put anything yet -_-'

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I switched my browser from google to firefox and only just saw that my header covers the link bar -_-' I am a fool and I hate google

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I ended up making the seperate neocities for my FNaF AU. You guys should check it out, I've been working on it for the last few days. It's been pretty fun and I'm kind of proud of it. It still needs little tweaks here and there and it's nowhere near finished but it's gonna make documenting stuff and editing stuff over on this one alot easier.

foolishbusiness.neocities.org

ALSO, you should go listen to this album. I've been playing it on repeat for the last few weeks now and I seriously can't put into words how cool it is.

Connection Failed - Egelskop (my fav song from the album atm)

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I've been blocked from my own guestbook -_-' which is fun. On other news, I decided to make the new neocities for my fnaf au! Once I'm happy with it I'll link it on my page.

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Spent most of today doing small updates which turned into some pretty big ones. Moved the guestbook to a different website. one that looks nicer and overall is easier to manage. I know previos comments are lost but if you ever commented and you wanted to see the old page, let me know and I'll send you the link to the old page cus I've kept it as an archive. I've also updated alot of the overall look of most pages, I was unhappy with alot of them and I still want to change more but I'm more pleased with how they look atm. Some of them were very outdated with their code aswell but that's something I'll look more into a different day; I've already fixed most major flaws with them so hopefully the pages should work faster.

I'm also considering moving the FNaF AU to its own seperate website since my current one is hard to organise with how many pages there are, mostly from that part. Once I figure out a name to call it I'll start moving all of that over there instead. I'm just alot happier with how this is looking now :)) Still cant get images to not take forever to load, I might be exporting them at too high quality and need to compress them -_-'

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Hello! I havent really been updating this website for awhile, there's still things I want to change but I cant find the motivation to atm, been busy with work and other hobbies. In other news, I've been playing most of the Half-Life games and I completely forgot it ends on a cliffhanger until I got to the end of episode 2 :')) It's been fun playing through all of them, I'm currently playing through blue shift and really enjoying it. Hope you all have a good day!

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Haven't updated the site in a while, not really sure what I want to do with it atm. I turned 20 this january, my bones grow ever weaker. Hope everyone had a nice new year :))

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Instantly fell in love with this game after watching RTGame's vid on it. It has amazing art direction and amazing meta-commentary. You should check it out.

American Arcadia: Your Life is a Reality TV Show, Escape It - RTGame

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I eventually want to add music to some of the pages here, I just need to figure out how...

My previous attempts haven't been too successful -_-' The one music player stopped my index from updating at ALL, I thought it was just being slow but nope, once I got rid of the music player it updated immediately. I'll crack tho code someday.

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Most of my characters need updated refs and its a hastle to actually do them :(( I also don't know how I want their pages to look yet so I havent even started making them. UUUUGH if only inspiration could hit me in the face and I could have an idea on where to start.

The FNaF AU needs updating aswell with new refs, the refs I had already started doing are now outdated so I gotta start again, curse me and wanting them to be perfect. I think the main issue is that I want them to look exactly as I imagine them in my head but thats difficult.

My attack plan is to just get the pages set up eventually then get the stuff drawn for them afterwards. There's simply not enough time in the daaaaaaaaaay >:((

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I've updated this page again. I originally started updating my page again to add more characters to the FNaF AU and my characters page but I think I've been doing this to put it off. I think I made this page too bright tho :/

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The Amazing Digital Circus (Original Song) - "Who am I?" - Caleb Hyles

I also want to update this page again, Its too ourple

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Words are a collection of letters that when are together, form some sort of meaning or smth.

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